Miroku's Black Book
by DESPERAD0
Summary: [“Dear Diary: I, Miroku, have a confession to make. I don’t like girls.”] The diary of Miroku, who is as straight as a circle.
1. Gawsh, he's like a goddess

**Disclaimer**: He thinks I don't notice his nice ass behind those robes…But I do...oh yeah baby **I do**. Oh right right, I don't own any part of Inuyasha, and yes, not even Miroku's alluring ass.

**Rating & Warnings**: PG13, content may offend some minors, but suck it up princess, it's called Humor.

**Author's Precious Note**: I'm sure you have seen this type of diary before :) All meant for fun and laughter. My gaydar is beeping at Miroku…

**Summary**: "Dear Diary: I, Miroku, have a confession to make. I don't like girls." The diary of Miroku, who is as straight as a circle.

* * *

**Miroku's Little Black Book**

**Day 1, Entry 1: **

I Miroku, have a confession to make. I don't like girls.

**Day 1, Entry 2: **

But that doesn't mean I can't touch them.

Or spank them.

_-sizzle-_

**Day 1, Entry 3: **

I must say _-smacks lips- _Inuyasha is quite cute :)

I want to rub those ears! ToT

**Day 1, Entry 4: **

Damnit Kagome is rubbing them.

Fuck off bitch he's _-snaps-_ my man!

**Day 1, Entry 5: **

I don't like her. Just because she's a freaking miko.

She gets to ride on him.

And straddle him.

**Day 1, Entry 6: **

I wonder what it's like to ride on Inuyasha.

And straddle him…

**Day 1, Entry 7: **

And be able to "sit" him.

Yeah baby, I like you doooownnn like this. :D

**Day 1, Entry 8: **

I don't like her voice. Kagome's voice I meant.

It's too shrill.  
And annoying.  
And valley-girl like.  
And slutty.  
And whorey.  
And…

She whines too much.

**Day 1, Entry 9: **

Ugh. Another Inuyasha-why-did-you-leave-me-to-see-Kikyou-conversation.

She has some serious jealousy issues.

I bet she's a virgin.

**Day 1, Entry 10: **

Someone just fuck her already and put her out of her misery. o.O;;

**Day 1, Entry 11: **

Inuyasha deserves someone better.

Like me.

I'm prettier than her.

My ass is 1000x better then hers.

She has no ass.

No boobs either. They're dented in.

**Day 1, Entry 12: **

I would never sit him like she does.

**Day 1, Entry 13: **

I would wait until I'm right under him first.

Theeeeen I'll say the magic words. ;D

**Day 1, Entry 14: **

OMG. Look everybody! It's Sesshomaru!

Gawsh, he looks like a goddess. His hair is so…yummy O.O

**Day 1, Entry 15: **

So dark, handsome and mysterious. He's my kinda man. He's my man :)

**Day 1, Entry 16: **

I love the way he moves.

"Cuz I like the way you moooove."

He shakes his butt a little when he walks. Tres cute.

**Day 1, Entry 17: **

He's silent nature is arousing. He's like an ice queen.

**Day 1, Entry 18: **

Fluffy, fluffy, you're so fine…would you be my valentine?

**Day 1, Entry 19: **

He caught me staring. Crap.

I'm gonna get whipped by him.

Ooo…on the other hand, maybe I should keep staring. !o.o!

**Day 1, Entry 20**:

He smiled at me. HE SMILED AT ME!1!1!1!1!1!1!1

_-swoons-_

**Day 1, Entry 21: **

Annnnnnnnnnnd…he's gone. Dang. I thought we had something back there.

**Day 1, Entry 22: **

I'm sad.

I need something to console me.

**Day 1, Entry 23: **

Went and touched Sango's butt.

What a sucky consolation prize.

**Day 1, Entry 24: **

Got slapped.  
Ah well.  
She probably liked it.

I bet Fluffy would've liked it ;D

* * *

A/N: Inspired by several fanfics out there similar to the diary-format. And of course, the secret LOTR diaries. Reviews are orgasmic. 


	2. I take you to the candy shop

**Disclaimer**: The only thing I own of Inuyasha are pirated episodes which are illegally recorded on stolen VHS tapes from a store that doesn't have a license to sell merchandise, that's all. Don't go all suing on me now :)

**Rating & Warnings**: PG13, it's okay if you get aroused by his lascivious personality… I know **_I _**do. ( kidding ;; )

**Author's Precious Note**: Wow I actually got reviews!1!1!1!1:) _-goes orgasmic-_ Yes I do plan to continue this black book, but only when inspiration comes to mind XD and with a second-rate-writer-brain like mine, I wouldn't place my money on consistency ;) Oh and one thing, it's SO not fair that does not allow me to make the stars (you know the shift and 8) or the up arrows (shift and six) or the underscores…now my story is lacking honger expressions. Phooey.

**Summary**: "Dear Diary: I, Miroku, have a confession to make. I don't like girls." The diary of Miroku, who is as straight as a circle.

* * *

**Miroku's Little Black Book**

**Day 2, Entry 25: **

I have reeeallly nice d… deltoids.

...and dick if thats what you're thinking :)

**Day 2, Entry 26: **

I'm really notthat perverted.

I'm just more upfront with it.

At least I admit I'm a pervert.

Or "HENTAI"…

**Day 2, Entry 27: **

Why does Sango say that?

Hentai.

It's like saying "human" in Spanish o.O

_Gente_…

**Day 2, Entry 28: **

I bet all of us are perverted deep inside.

It's the quiet ones you got to look out for

**Day 2, Entry 29: **

I bet Kaede has a lotta dirt underneath that obese body.

I knew it, I knew there was something going on with that broody "I'm a wise woman" front she puts on.

_Sista… quit frontin' _

**Day 2, Entry 30: **

I bet she gets aroused when she rubs medicine on Inuyasha's **rippling six pack**

**Day 2, Entry 31: **

Who wouldn't though. _-drool-_

I'd like to run my hand through those babies.

**Day 2, Entry 32: **

And the weird thing is…Inuyasha doesn't mind a wrinkly hand massaging his delicious body.

Could it be…Kaede is a cougar? O.O!

I bet they have something going on behind Kagome's back.

Who is, might I add, _still_ a virgin.

**Day 2, Entry 33: **

Maybe **I** should be the one putting her out of her misery.

**Day 2, Entry 34: **

Decided against it.

Why must **I** be the one to suffer?

**Day 2, Entry 35: **

Jake Gyllenhaal on the other hand…_-drools-_

**Day 2, Entry 36: **

Have you seen the latest photo shoots of him? In Entertainment Weekly?

Drop it like it's **hawt**.

Water looks good on him! ToT

**Day 2, Entry 37: **

He should come with a warning label :O

"Caution: Slippery When Wet"

**Day 2, Entry 38: **

Oh baby.

**Day 2, Entry 39: **

"Jake, I take you to the candy shop  
I'll let you lick the lollypop"

**Day 2, Entry 40: **

I bet you want to know what happened between Fluffy and me yesterday.

**Day 2, Entry 41: **

We made out when no one was looking. :D

Then things heated up and we made lots of…

**Day 2, Entry 42: **

I can't write it! ToT

**Day 2, Entry 43: **

Okay fine, I'll continue.

**Day 2, Entry 44: **

It was so hot when he tried taking it out.

I tried telling him it wasn't ready.

But Fluffy had to be the man. :D

**Day 2, Entry 45**:

The batch of cookies were quite tasty.

**Day 2, Entry 46: **

What were you thinking:(

Honestly, the youth of today…corrupted to the bone!

**Day 2, Entry 47: **

I'm thinking of getting a perm.

Or maybe another diamond stud for the ear. The right ear.

**Day 2, Entry 48: **

Why was Sango all breathy and flushed when I asked her about the earring thing?

**Day 2, Entry 49: **

Decided to go for a perm.

**Day 2, Entry 50: **

Bad idea. Waves really aren't my thing.

**Day 2, Entry 51: **

Is now mistaken for Sango's sister… ToT!

**Day 2, Entry 52: **

Got hit on by three men from the village.

_SCORE! _:D

* * *

A/N: Ideas are encouraged. Just wanted to make a new chapter to let people know it's not oneSHOT :) Reviews are my ecstasy. 


	3. Reality TV

**Disclaimer**: I'm getting tired of writing these things…refer to chapter one if needed. :P

**Rating & Warnings**: PG13 for those who can't handle a 'tres' feminine man.

**Author's Precious Note**: DAAAYUUUMMM let me hear you say this shit is bananas! **30** reviews man…that's way more than I expect. Remember when I said "**reviews are my ecstasy**"? I got enough ecstasy to be a drug pusher now haha. Thank you so much to those who liked it, and for those who love Kagome/homophobes/love Inuyasha(or)Sesshomaru and does not want him involved in this madness…oh well SUCKS FOR YOU :D Just so y'all know…this story is not a gayfest so don't get your panties in a bunch o.O;

**Summary**: "Dear Diary: I, Miroku, have a confession to make. I don't like girls." The diary of Miroku, who is as straight as a circle.

* * *

**Miroku's Little Black Book**

**Day 3, Entry 53: **

They had a sale of mascara at Wal-Mart…

I couldn't help myself.

**Day 3, Entry 54: **

Maybe I'm born with it…maybe it's Maybelline!

**Day 3, Entry 55: **

Omg…Sarah got eliminated. SARAH! You know…America's Next Top Model!1!1!1!1!

**Day 3, Entry 56: **

Good thing Naima is still here.

Gawsh, her mohawk is hot, and so are those blond streaks into her hair.

**Day 3, Entry 57: **

She –DESERVES- to win ToT

That girl fainting…Rebecca.. dang, I bet it's a publicity thing

All reality shows lie o.o;;

I bet the "girl" fainting during judging...was a STUNT MAN:D

**Day 3, Entry 58: **

Did someone just say the measurements… "36 24 38"? _-grins-_

**Day 3, Entry 59: **

Oh, it's only Kagome's locker combo.

Psh. -o-

**Day 3, Entry 60: **

Did you know how my father really died?

**Day 3, Entry 61: **

All that sucking into wind tunnel stuff…

It's all a publicity stunt. ALL A PUBLICTY STUNT I TELL YOU!

**Day 3, Entry 62: **

Don't believe everything you watch on TV kids!

**Day 3, Entry 63: **

My dad died because he saw his reflection in a river

…and tried to save his reflection from drowning. ToT;

**Day 3, Entry 64: **

No seriously…

**Day 3, Entry 65: **

I'm not kidding

**Day 3, Entry 66: **

I was traumatized. That's the day I became gay too.

**Day 3, Entry 67: **

Saw a dayum cowboy with fine written all over his abs.

**Day 3, Entry 68: **

_Hey boy, can I take a ride on your tractor?_

**Day 3, Entry 69: **

He gave me the urge to merge.

**Day 3, Entry 70: **

Not anymore though :D

**Day 3, Entry 71: **

"_If I was a rich girl, na na na na naaaa"_

You know what I just noticed? Gwen Stefani's **Love Angel Music Baby**'s acronyms spell L.A.M.B.!

Baaa!

**Day 3, Entry 72: **

Shippou just told me perhaps the most horrid thing a man can ever hear

**Day 3, Entry 73**:

Seriously I can't believe he said that

**Day 3, Entry 74: **

But dayum, that kid doesn't lie…so that means it's TRUE :O!

**Day 3, Entry 75: **

Oh grosssssssssssss.ssssssssssssssss.ssssssssssssssssssssssssss.ssssssssssssssssssss.ssssssssssss. EW. How could she? O.o

**Day 3, Entry 76: **

Well at least she's out of **_her_** misery now…

**Day 3, Entry 77: **

Kagome eloped with Myouga. (poor Myouga! ToT;)

**Day 3, Entry 78: **

There I said it.

No joke.

That fugly bitch is gone.

**Day 3, Entry 79: **

GONE I SAY!

**Day 3, Entry 80: **

_We're gonna par-tay like it's your birthday_

**Day 3, Entry 81: **

I wonder how their babies will look like. _-shudder-

* * *

_

A/N: i'm tired of banning dashes and asteriks..I WANT TO MAKE FACES DAMNIT. Aside that, reviewing builds character :D 


	4. I thought I ran my ass off FAR ENOUGH!

**Disclaimer**: I so did not write any of the idiotic things in here. Miroku who?

**Rating & Warnings**: PG13, except they have this ghey rating known as T. I mean REALLY, T? It's so confusing.

**Author's Precious Note**: WOW. After many many weeks of being dead, I decided to whip up a chapter to show it hasn't been forgotten. _Totally shameless plug to my current fanfiction_**: Someone Out There**. Read it :D It's better than this shit, I promise haha.

**Summary**: "Dear Diary: I, Miroku, have a confession to make. I don't like girls." The diary of Miroku, who is as straight as a circle.

* * *

**Miroku's Little Black Book**

**Day 5, Entry 111: **

Oh to the Em to the Gee.

**Day 5, Entry 112: **

Have you heard of the show Kevin Hill? The one where the hot-shot attorney at a prestigious entertainment law firm inherits his dead cousin's baby and has to start raising it? IT'S HAPPENING TO ME. **ME**! MEEEEEEE!1!1!1!1!111!1!

**Day 5, Entry 113: **

Except it's a boy baby, not a girl baby, and it's not my cousin's baby but my own baby.

**Day 5, Entry 114: **

I THOUGHT I RAN AWAY FAR ENOUGH. HOW DID THE DAMN BITCH FIND ME?  
I know I'm bad. But I ran my ass off the day I heard the pregnancy stick turned blue. Gah.

**Day 5, Entry 115: **

Aww, but he is -so- adorable! I must rewsis the uurge to twalk bwaby twalk to it  
…coochee chi eeee you cutie you!

He's a keeper:D

**Day 5, Entry 116: **

Why did I decide to keep him two minutes ago? All he does is cry. Then sleep. Then cry.  
Awwww he gave me his hand! Eeee. Bwaby fwingers are juss toooo koote.

**Day 5, Entry 117: **

How does one breast feed? Let me clarify that: how does a male breast feed?  
I mean, I know some boys with more bumps on their chest than girls' in their bra.  
More bumps: more milk!

**Day 5, Entry 118: **

Like how they say that if boys have big feet that must mean they have big…

**Day 5, Entry 119: **

SOOOCKS!  
What were you thinking? No! It doesn't work that way! Enis-pay is not half the shoe size!  
Sheesh don't believe everything your friends tell you

**Day 5, Entry 120: **

Oh crap, baby pooped. Where do I find diapers?

**Day 5, Entry 121: **

Does this era HAVE diapers?  
Which has got me thinking…  
Does this era have you know…feminine necessities?  
P-A-D in a B-A-G?

**Day 5, Entry 122: **

Oh gosh it reeks.

**Day 5, Entry 123: **

I threw the poo in the river down stream.  
Maybe I'll get lucky and Kagome is having her hot springs bath (or whatever she insist on calling it)  
She can think the "floating soap" is some "organic herb" that this "feudal era" uses to "cleanse themselves."

…am I crazy? I sound like a fruit.  
Oh wait I am HAHA.  
Ok I must stop.  
Rambling.  
Now.  
I'm still doing it.  
And you're still reading it.  
AHAHAH so stoned.  
420!  
Imean…

**Day 5, Entry 124: **

I guess I'll have to bring the boy back to the mansion.  
Yes I have a mansion, and all my servants are women.  
They wear low neckline booty skirts as their mandatory uniforms.

**Day 5, Entry 125: **

EXCEPT for Bertha the cook.  
She's a special case.  
She's 50 with s**a**g**g**y boobs. Holy cheese, imagine if SHE wore a low neckline…

**Day 4, Entry 126: **

_IT MIGHT AS WELL BE A BELT THEN!_

**Day 5, Entry 127: **

EGADS. Such images don't do well for the mind.

**Day 5, Entry 128: **

I'm rich. I'm a rich beautiful girl.  
I feel pretty like a daisy.  
I swindle common folks for the **rush** of it.  
I'm sure that's why rich folks gamble at casinos right?

**Day 5, Entry 129: **

I'm so tired from raising this baby.  
And it only has been 5 minutes since I met him.

**Day 5, Entry 130: **

But I'm so attached to him. ToT

**Day 5, Entry 131**:

I want to confront that biatch and ask her why she just drop the baby in a basket at my door.  
She could've at LEAST wrote a note or something!

**Day 5, Entry 132: **

This is some serious Jerry Springer shit. Or Maury.  
**WHO'S THE MOTHER OF MY CHILD?**  
Haha that's a first X3

**Day 5, Entry 133: **

The baby is crying. Ah. I gotta sing it a song…!

**Day 5, Entry 134: **

Smelly cats…  
Dang I cant sing it as good as Phoebe!

**Day 5, Entry 135: **

Oh what's that Eminem song? Mockingbird!  
Hush little baby don't you cry la la I'll buy you a bird something something if it can't sing something ring wont shine la la something something I'll break the birdie's neck some something shove carats down jewelers throat something something don't fuck with dad. Ha.

**Day 5, Entry 136: **

Awww the baby WUVS ME!  
It needs some new clothes!  
And a teddy bear! Yeah!  
I would buy it a Neopet plushie but those things are fucking overpriced.

**Day 5, Entry 137: **

How about some transsexual clothes? I heard it's a new fad.  
Like how pink is the new black this year.  
Tres cool! ToT

**Day 5, Entry 138: **

_Let's go SHOPPPING!_

Why are dicks smaller than nipples in Canada?  
I mean…Why are dimes smaller than nickels in Canada?  
Slip of tongue. Oopsie poopsie ;D

**Day 5, Entry 139: **

Oh to the Em to the Gee. Girls (and boys), what should I name my baby:O

* * *

I think I've lost my touch, but that's okay. I feel silly enough to go back to my other fic. Review me please? OR BETTER YET, REVIEW MY OTHER FIC TOO? YEAH? YEAH OKAY! A **cookie** for my reviewers :) 


End file.
